IT Consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie,

gets out and asks the Shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exac tly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers," That's correct, you can have your sheep." The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man answers, "Yes, why not".
The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".
How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd.

First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee for something i already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business...

Now can i have my dog back

**This is an email I received from a Business Analyst

FREE....

Nothing in life is for free.....
If it's free then someone else has paid for it...
This mean u owe someone who u probably don't even know or will ever get to know.....
Being in debt is the end result of a FREE offer. :-)

Share Market Low across the Globe

One fine day morning I go to the bank , I asked the executive to open me a share trading account. They were very prompt in opening the account, they required an introducer and I got that organised as well.. To my surprise they said they account would be active the very following day.

When I told my friend this he was shocked to see the efficiency of the service. I gave him the account number as he was the one to do the trading for me. For his surprise the account wasnt active for a week, when I asked him what was the procedure that he had to go thru to sign up for a CDS account, I was shocked to realise that I ddint have to do any of it.


I race back to my bank and ask them, " What on earth is happening?" they had jus opened a current account and not a CDS account... (shocking, specially since the Asst Manager of the branch handled me application)
So I collect the forms for the CDS account and when I submit to another branch they are in need of more forms to be filled. On completion of filling 04 forms, I submit to the branch I operate thru and they call me to say there is yet another form to be filled :-)
Now this explains why our interest rates are low.. WE have way too many documents for a simple procedure...

Any how it has been one month since I wanted to open this account and it is still not completed. The employees of this branch are very friendly and supportive, but they are not informed. Well thanks to this mishap, I didnt buy any shares... I hear from my friend that the share market across the world is going thru a bad phase..
.

Inefficiency has it's advantage....

Metamorphosis

A phase I am goin thru lately....

I gave it some thought .... Why?
I used to be a social bunny hopping across and talking to jus about anyone or doing some nonsense that bought unwanted attention and could never be alone in for a short while...
Not to mention I had heaps of good friend who at times have gone thru the extra effort of getting me into my room as I would have been a little too intoxicated for my liking..

Suddenly.... things to a change... Jus like in the movies.. Where everything happens ever so fast and u cant seem to comprehend at times..

Most of my friends have all turned to their own way of life and didnt have the time or mood to hang out wit each other..
This went on for weeks and weeks became months and now its the new lifestyle....

As I am for to adapt very fast to something new, I ve changed to a pretty solitude guy enjoying my time and watchin heaps of movies and doing my own thing....
Now the problem is...

I am not in a mood to socialise.. and that kind of bugs me..
I am liking my time on me own.. ( Not that I am productive wit it, infact I ve become even more lazy)

So does this mean the METAMORPHOSIS is over or I am in the middle of it...

Humachine

I am not a man made machine....
To be perfect

I am Human
I define perfection :-)

CLICHE....

Last evening my friend said " Cliche"
When I said "Reality Bites"
The conversation was about him quitting smoking....

This would be his umtieth attempt at this...

Must give him credit for the persistence...

Wish u all the best this time around.......

Sometimes u ve got to repeat the same thing over and over again... Till the message is conveyed....


The message is conveyed and understood and implement .......



ONLY...



When u have QUIT smokin....




Till then its CLICHE... to u my friend....

Life...

Its the RIDE tat makes LIFE existing not the DRIVER.....

but why...... How come......

But why…

Do u fall in love wit the thief who stole ur heart….

How Come?..

Falling in love never hurts but falling out can hurt u so much that suicide seems blissful..


How Come?..

The best things in life are for free....

But why ....

Do ppl work most of their lifetime to make money…

inspired by the ACADEMY

Oh.... I wanna loose some weight...

The Steam rising from a plate of hot red rice served with Parippu made to a thick curry with dried chillies, accompanied by the truly Sri Lankan Ambul Thiyal and Ala thellata, to top this combination we include a spicy pol sambol made the traditional way.
And not forgetting the crispy papadam…………

A mouth-watering meal at most times.



Red Rice doesn’t taste good and I cant been seen eating that in public, my social image will be corrupted.

Dhall has too much protein I cant eat that cos too much protein is not good for my complexion :-D

FISH FISH !! My breath will stink… ew…

Potatoes ….. Are u mad??? Don’t u know potatoes are full of starch.. I must watch my figure….

Pol Sambol… Its coconuts and that’s oily and could cause cholesterol I need to be healthy,…

Papadam ….. Its fried in oil I can’t eat that ….


These are probably the new age way of describing a Sri Lankan meal….


We are all forced to be health conscious ( mainly cos of our lazy health style, I mean u dail 2729729 and 4000 calories will be delivered to ur door step wit no delivery charges) and take the easy way out to shed the pounds…

A little info

When one starves to loose weigh…. The brain learns from the pattern and awaits the next meal… No sooner the person consumes it, the brain will absorb majority of the elements and store them as fat … So starving is a good way of putting on FAT ( not weight) which probably is not a good idea…


So if u ve got a little extra puppy fat, be happy that ur ready for the drought.. If u still insist that u wanna be like a super model ( I think u d be anorexic before that) go ahead knock ur self out.. The future of Sri Lanka is full of super models (a by product due to the high cost of living)


A little trick to loose weight, increase ur metabolic rate and reduce the starch intake…. U d be stunned at how much u could loose and how u could develop a good eating habbit……

Bon Appetite……..